I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand.

do-not-feed-the-animal:

i-am-fangirl-hear-me-squeel:

captainamerica-in-middle-earth:

tardisinshire:

starllex:

starllex:

why is blood so hard to wash off of your hands?

I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS FOR THE RECORD I HAD A NOSE BLEED IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER

hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood. just fyi

do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?

THIS GODDAMN WEBSITE IS JUST ALL MADE UP OF MURDERERS

caseyanthonyofficial:

One time I got pulled over by a cop and I was so nervous that I thought I was supposed to call him “your honor” like we were in court or something but then I corrected last minute and I just said “Good evening your officer”

fatass-mcnotits:

the-sarcastic-robot:

drugs-in-ur-coffee:

selfish-cunts:

dqdbpb:

angelina jolie’s daughter

and gwen stefani’s son

both so cute 

Parenting done right

ugh. this is so wrong. how can you support someone letting their kid wear socks on grass. do you know how hard it is to wash those stains out?

I thought I was going to have to yell at someone for being a close minded asswipe but that was the biggest plot twist of my life. 

but no seriously those stains are a bitch to get out

woolpool:

i was 15 and so full of hope that maybe one fateful day my boobs would finally grow. i truly believed in my boob potential. but life is cruel and i am now a broken man

nevvzealand:

what do u say to ur sister if she is crying????? are you having a CRISIS

(Source: moseby)

mermaidsandmisandry:

“some scientists agree”. what does that mean. some scientists. that could be two  scientists. two scientists agree. two agreeable scientists isnt very credible. do it again. more scientists.

(Source: misandrywhale)

fallingaroundagain:

lupeylycan:

un-balanc-ed:

thatwrongthing:

this shirt would fit if it weren’t for boobs: a tragedy

that shirt would fit if i had boobs: the sequel 

this shirt fits perfectly because my boobs are the right size: the fanfiction

my shirts always fit: a man’s tale

illea:

i called my grandpa to wish him a happy 69th birthday and he said, “I skipped straight to 70. I don’t do 69 anymore, I’m too old to bend that way” and started laughing hysterically

grandpa